ok so I was alittle too careful that no one of people who know me in real life won't find my website, ughh I kinda deleted my old one and I have migrated to this new name, just to make myself more comfortable to write withough any restriction. This is very very important to me to write unfiltered, of course I am not going to publish anything wrong, but I consider my personal life very secret, even to the people so close to me

it is such a wired concept that saying the most personal things online is absolutly normal to me, one other think like this is AI, i can talk to AI about everything and not feel uncomfortable about it, but even thinking about someone i know knowing about these things even makes me feel so exposed, I will have more and indebth talks about AI and psodu therapy as well in my blog soo inshaallah

I have an issue related to crying, let me be clear I acually love to cry, I belive it is a relief valve in my bloony brain, when things grow harder and stress gets higher, my brain capacity gets too much and instead of keeping more in, and blowing up one day, It relives the presure to magable levels , but it is very embarassing due to social expectation trash, for a guy in his 20s to cry due to stress ? you might as well never even get involved in socitiy, guess you know why I am paranoid about my neocity website now (check about to undrstand)

Anyways this hole thing is : me crying while having absolute 0 emotions about it, I don't feel sad, I don't feel overwhelemd, I don't feel anything diferent, it just kicks in randomly. Throughout my life i have only couple of moments where this had happend, 3 of witch were me getting a job, and 1 was me seeing my room destroyed (because we were renuvating out house), so as of now I have come to conclustion that it was about the stress of me leaving my comfort zone (wich is my room) and not having the option to go in

Another supporting argument of this, is when I go to collage and like one time i only arrived at home at like 5:30pm , I never had this urge to cry, i belive because collage for me is a prettty comfy place, and I do consider it a comfort zone away from my parents expectaitons.

however the story isn't over yet, one counter argument aginst the (comfort zone) idea is, It came to me even when I was in the middle of my comfort zone and even when no one was around to tell me what to do, I was stil crying after I was accepted a job that I was supposed to attend the day after (witch is today first day of my new job as electrician yeepeeee(thank god for it) !!!)

I can't focus I am having too mach thoughts, so let me use this blog as a mind storm of ideas, I had the Idea to use a Li-Dar to find bodies underwater, because I live in an area were people regularly drawn, and it take too much time for diver teams to find there bodies, one problem is that Lidar doesn't work with water, because random water waves and turbilance make random signals, my idea was to study advanced math and to have some bloon like sensors around an area to capture water waves, and throw that I could calculate the short term waves inside the area, and eliminate them from Li-dar calculation to make it better